if only time stood still

on the bus ride to & from philly, thoughts from the past kept resurfacing in my mind. philly brought back many good memories, some vague, some vivid. i miss that feeling of reminiscing the past because i rarely get the chance to do that now. as the images drifted to the front of my mind one by one, i couldnt help but smile at the idea of the person i used to be. the spontaneity of the events that happened, i miss. the thrill & excitement of living, i miss. being random & happy, i miss. i can't help but feel that i have somehow become less of the person i used to be. is this called maturation? or have i just lost a bit of myself in this time & space? there are moments, where i wish time can go backwards, and stand still at the time when i feel most happy and content. all the happy memories from the past feels so distant and incomplete. runnin to hug my dad when i was four, rubber band science fair project in 3rd grade, guy watchin at lincoln in 5th grade, violin playin in 7th grade, stayin up till mornin at harrison senior year...yet none of them seem complete. i can't remember all the details, nor can i recall all the emotions i felt that were attached to those moments. memory...it's such a tricky thing. we always say the thing with life is to have lived those happy moments & be able to remember them. but the truth is, how much can you actually remember? especially with the busy lives we lead as college students, moments where we are actually sitting down to reflect & recall these times are very rare. because of this, i especially enjoy traveling alone on long journeys. there is always something about those long car rides that helps me reminisce the past memories that i have. if only time stood still so i can soak myself in that sense of serinity i feel with these moments. it is just oh so wonderful. ok, now im back at harvard, time to pick classes. toodles.